English Humour


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Why worry?

There are only two things to worry about:
Either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well, then there is nothing to worry about.
If you are sick, there are two things to worry about:
Either you will get well or you will die.
If you get well, then there is nothing to worry about.
If you die, there are only two things to worry about:
Either you will go to Heaven or Hell.
If you go to Heaven, there is nothing to worry about.
But if you go to Hell, you will be so damn busy
Shaking hands with friends, you won´t have time to worry.

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Whose job ...?

This is the story about four people named Everybody,
Somebody, Anybody and Nobody.
There was an important job to be done,
and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.
Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.
Somebody got angry about that
because it was Everybody´s job.
Everybody thought Anybody could do it,
but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldn´t do it.
It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody
When Nobody did what Anybody could have done.

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Male and Female

  1. The FEMALE always makes the RULES.
  2. The RULES are subject to change at any time without prior notice.
  3. No MALE can possibly know all the RULES.
  4. If the FEMALE suspects the MALE knows all the RULES,
    she must immediately change some or all the RULES.
  5. The FEMALE is never wrong.
  6. If the FEMALE is wrong, it is due to a misunderstanding
    which was the direct result of something the MALE said or did.
  7. The MALE must apologise for causing that misunderstanding.
  8. The MALE is always wrong.
  9. The MALE may be right if he agrees with the FEMALE
    unless she wants him to disagree.
  10. The FEMALE may change her mind at any time.
  11. The MALE may never change his mind without the expressed
    written consent of the FEMALE.
  12. The FEMALE has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
  13. The MALE must remain calm at all times
    unless the FEMALE wants him to be angry and / or upset.
  14. The FEMALE must under no circumstances let the MALE know
    whether she wants him to be angry and / or upset.
  15. The MALE is expected to be obedient at all times.

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Jokes